Thursday, December 30, 2010

Finding God in the Crazy

I have been preparing for a women's devotional coming up and the title above is the title of my topic. Kind of catchy right? If you are local, come listen, if not then maybe I can post my slides afterwards.

I know we all face craziness in our lives, although I am pretty sure my testimony includes a different kind of crazy! I was thinking last night of which stories to share that will highlight some of the things I have faced. The more I thought, the more memories came flooding back.

Thankfully, I am in a place where the memories don't affect me. They are now catalogued away in my mind as a resource, something I can reference when making a point, share when emphasizing a truth, or draw upon when comforting a friend. Sometimes I surprise myself with details I had forgotten, but come rushing back when I least expect them.

Soon- I promise I will have a book. Then you won't be getting tidbits and nibbles on my blog, or a fleeting devotional. You can get the majority of the story and be blessed.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

What started it all

Here is a visit to my very first blog post- in case you are just tuning in and wondering why the name.

Monday, September 29, 2008
Why the name?
My first question if a friend of mine started blogging would be "Why the Name".... well I am glad you asked!

One of my main goals in life is to write a book and speak at Women's conferences. I have such a passion for Christian Women. We need mentoring, leadership skills, help with our relationships and careers. Sometimes I feel so stagnant as a woman I could scream. Typical women's ministry consists of tea parties, bake sales, book clubs and social dinners... (this is a generalization but I think you know it to be true).

I was reading today about the 50 most powerful women by Fortune magazine. I would love to meet some of them and ask how they made it so far. Are they Christians? Did they have to sacrifice their morality for that power? I am young and hopeful enough to hope and pray that not all of them did. I am strong enough to believe that you can keep your dignity and be a women leader...

But I slightly digress. Back to the point of my blog title....

Growing up there was one name that was like poison cast upon my young girlish heart...Eve. Her name brought fear and shame upon me. That wicked woman with the apple- responsible for all our sin and pain. She was the cause of it all. Women can't be trusted, women have evil ingrained in their very being. Her husband couldn't rely on her. God couldn't rely on her.

How my heart broke with Eve's burden. How she messed it up for us all! But I could never hate her, no I pitied her. Knowing how emotional God created us, how sensitive we are- she must have felt and grieved for what she had done like none of us have ever suffered. She went from perfect union with her husband. She had a perfect relationship with God. She knew what it was supposed to be like and then- when it wasn't. That was seriously lower than your worst PMS day ladies....

Especially as a young girl I was burdened with how God viewed Eve. Was I cloaked with an extra coat of shame because I was born a woman? I felt like my life was dictated by the fact that somehow I was more evil, less intelligent and destined for failure because of my sex.

Many things have brought me from this mindset...but one important light bulb, God moment stands out. You may have heard sermons preached on this point...but personally I never have. That moment is when Jesus arose. Now not in the Easter version "Up from the Grave He Arose" type of viewpoint. But after he arose.....the first person to see him....a woman.

Somehow it seems like a restoration. Eve brought sin first into the world, but Mary was first to see salvation from it. Eve experienced the first seperation from God, Mary experienced the first restoration of our relationship with God.

And so the name of my Blog. Being a woman is a beautiful thing. God created me. He knows me. He forgives me. He restored me. I can be proud that Eve was the mother of us all... and I am her daughter.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010


I have never been so excited for a New Year. For some reason the passing of 2010 signifies to me the exit of a whole year's worth of struggle and suffering! 2011 is fresh, new, and unscathed. Or maybe I am fresh, new and unscathed?

Either way I have some very specific prayers and goals. I have asked God to make 2011 our year of recovery and joy.

I was looking around the web this week for some encouraging words. Something I could sink my mind into and really meditate on. I came across this article and it blessed me so much,that it will now be my reflection point for the New Year. I have printed it out and expect to keep it visible as the months progress. It is such a good reminder to look inward at the health of our soul. Maybe it will bless you also if I share it.

Monday, December 27, 2010

After Christmas

I know sometimes there is a little blue feeling after Christmas....the nagging sensation that maybe this year just didn't quite go as planned, or you could have done better.

This year, I had tears of joy. For so many things that my heart desired came true. I was able to take my husband to dinner for his birthday and enjoy a night out with him. I was able to watch my little girl open so many nice presents and enjoy the wonder of our new tree. I was able to make a nice meal for Christmas dinner after many months of not so nice meals. I received a nice warm winter coat that I really needed.

I keep saying I...but my heart knows and rejoices in the One who provided for us this year. We also were so blessed by friends and family who saw our little family and showered us with many blessings. This year has taught me how to humbly accept love from others, even if I have to creatively reciprocate.

Christmas may be over, but I have no sadness. This Christmas will always be one of my favorites.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Golden Retriever

So in our community group this week we are taking a personality test and learning how the strengths/weaknesses best coincide with those of our mates. There are 4 categories that you can fall under (for this specific short test)

Otter, Beaver, Golden Retriever or ***can't remember the 4th one**

I tested at a Golden Retriever.

The funny thing is that at my work Holiday party this Monday we had a gift exchange. It was a $20 limit. I ended up opening a bag of doggie treats/toys and of course no one wanted to steal it!

So all those things combined, I have doggie on the brain.

But really what I want is a kitten.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Mommy vs Playmate

Being a full time working wife and mother comes with a whole new set of challenges. We are working through them as they come. Separation anxiety, cheerios for dinner, exhaustion.

Our next one ( that I am sure will continue for the next 17 years) is what I have termed Mommy vs Playmate.

My first born came to me with a personality befitting an Agbovi woman. Strong and sweet. They battle each other on a moment by moment basis. Her opinions and strength will carry her far, and I vow to not let the sweetness slip away.

During the week I have roughly 90 minutes in the evening with my daughter and this week has been the toughest. In her little 12 mth old brain she has decided to test and see if me being gone during the day has reduced my role to a meer playmate. It is a logical question. I rush home to play with her, feed her dinner and get in bath/storytime before bed.

Does that mean I don't have to listen to you anymore? Will you still hold to your no, or scold me when I pitch my fits.

Although I hate when our play times are interrupted with these unspoken questions, the answer has to be yes. I am still Mommy. No is still No and fits are still not OK. :)

To quote the "Working Mom 411", There is no such thing as a part time mother, only full time moms with jobs.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

All I want for Christmas

Last night I was on the living room floor playing with my daughter. She went to get her ball which was close to our Christmas tree. The Christmas tree currently stands next to our fireplace, just a small little plugged in tree with currently no presents under it.

She ran to me with her pink ball in her arms, then ran to show it to her Daddy.

I looked back at the tree. I have all I want for Christmas. After almost a year of unemployment, filled with uncertainty of what was going to happen, I have learned what truly my heart desires.

I looked up at my ceiling and said a thank you prayer to God that I still have my home. I have a healthy husband and daughter.

The Christmas tree may be empty come December 25th, it may be full of gifts, but I am just thankful that there is electricity to make it shine.

I have all I want for Christmas already.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Use your words....

I was having a wonderful visit with two of my good friends last night and we were discussing my recent blog about facebook. How it can be used as a passive aggressive way of communicating with someone your mift at, without actually confronting them.

I was sharing that recently I have had the courage to do several things that I used to be too scared to do. Things like, leaving my mother a voicemail message, having an honest conversation with a friend about how I was feeling about our relationship, dealing with new personalities at work that may be vastly different than my own.

Recently I have found a new confidence budding in my spirit. In a good way. In a healthy way. My observation has been that having a little toddler running around whose character development lies squarely in the hands of her father and I, has led me to a strong place I have never been before.

My dear friends pointed out that this strength was much needed, that being a mother has probably encouraged my budding confidence. That I am less tolerant of bad attitudes, less afraid of confrontation. But if I start telling those around me to "use their words" they will know I have gone to far.

So I will continue on this journey and make sure my toe does not touch that line. Although really, sometimes I do want to say it!